High
by Phoenix2312
Summary: After the gummy bear incident Toby and Spencer break up, she starts down a self-destructive road, drinking and getting high every night. But when Alison becomes a surprising source of comfort, Spencer finds out that Alison is better than any high she can get. Spalison, rated M for substance abuse and language, mentions of Spoby & Emison (no bashing)
1. Part I

**Semily is gross, Emily is irritating me, Lorenzo is sweet, but I'm not feeling the chemistry. However, I've been loving the Spencer/Alison interactions, because Spalison is my guilty pleasure ship! So I decided to do another little story. For now it's a one-shot, but I might add a companion piece if everyone likes it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **High**  
 _One-shot_

"Spencer I can't do this anymore, I'm sick and tired of the lies and the games. You promised that we'd start being honest with each other from now on and you haven't kept that promise. I never know what's a lie and what's the truth, how am I supposed to protect you when you won't be honest with me? How am I supposed to help you when you don't tell me that you're having a problem? "

Spencer can feel tears start to well up in her eyes as she listens to Toby, but of course she knows he's right.

And as much as it breaks her heart, she knows that this was inevitable. She's unstable, and with Charles still after her and the girls she's a walking time bomb. She almost prefers it this way, the only way to keep Toby safe is to keep him away from her.

"Toby I… I don't even know what to say, ever since we came out of the dollhouse it's been harder than ever I feel like I'm losing myself and my grip on reality. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even look in a mirror. I had a moment of weakness; I just needed to shut my brain off for a while, the weed helps, I didn't mean for you to eat those. I'm sorry. "

Spencer looks up into Toby's eyes she can see tears glistening there she can see the pain written all over his face. It breaks her heart.

Slowly she reaches out and takes his hand squeezing it between her own.

"I'm sorry Toby, I never meant to hurt you. But the truth is I'm no good for you."

Another tear falls down his cheek.

"I don't want to lose you Spencer, I love you." His voice is unsteady as he speaks the words. Spencer wants nothing more than to close the distance and wrap her arms around him.

She desperately wants to hold onto him but knows that it will only bring him pain and more suffering.

Their eyes meet again, all of the unspoken words hang in the space between them.

"I think you know what happens next, or do I need to say it out loud?"

Toby shakes his head at her words, but they still feel like a knife through his chest.

"Goodbye Spencer."

The look on his face as he turns around to leave is full of raw, open agony. She never thought it would come to this; watching the love of her life walk away, out into the dark night. It feels like someone has ripped her heart out of her chest and as she watches him leave she falls to her knees and sobs.

 _Maybe Charles isn't the monster after all._

* * *

It's been just over a week since Spencer watched Toby walk out of her life, and it feels like she's lost everything.

The world around her seems faded, colours no longer vibrant, her heart a hollow, empty shell of what it once was.

To Spencer nothing matters anymore except dulling the ache in her chest. For once, in the past three years, finding A isn't her first priority; which is exactly how she finds herself alone on a Friday night a half empty bottle of Jack clutched in her fist.

After buying weed from a local dealer she wanders aimlessly across Rosewood until she sits down on an empty bench and lights up. When the joint is gone she opens the bottle.

Hours go by, yet she stays frozen in place. She can feel the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her body, making her vision and her mind hazy.

The buzz is something she can't get enough of; the mixture of weed and alcohol. She knows it's dangerous, but she doesn't care.

Without much left in her life this is what she lives for, each and every time she welcomes the high trying desperately to make it last a little bit longer. With dulled senses she gazes around the park, looking out at the empty night and the all-consuming darkness, and suddenly she begins to laugh.

It's sick and twisted, just like everything she's become. Yet there's still a tiny part of her that aches, aches for the familiar comfort of friends and loved ones, but the rest of her quickly silences that voice, purring in contentment as she takes another swig from the bottle.

* * *

Another week passes and this becomes her routine. Every night she pretends to fall asleep, when she hears her mother's door shut she places her pillows under the sheets creating the silhouette of a body. Not even bothering to put shoes on she reaches for her stash, which she hides under the loose floorboard in her closet, and fills her backpack.

She quickly and quietly slides open the window and crawls down the lattice just outside her bedroom. Without a glance backwards she takes off into the night, walking without purpose until she finds a spot, sits, and self-destructs. She stays there until the first hints of daylight when she stubbles home and slips back in through the window, crawls under the covers, and feigns sleep until her mother comes to wake her.

It's at that moment every day that she puts on a mask, hiding her addictions from her friends and family.

Every day she feels more isolated and alone, but the reality is, her friends are having just as hard of time re-adjusting to life outside the dollhouse and they don't have time to notice she's spiralling.

Not to mention that the time they do manage to spend together is always centred around finding out who Charles DiLaurentis really is.

It's exhausting, and every second is like agony, and the only thing she's really thinking about is her next high.

She's hollow and empty. She's completely lost herself.

* * *

It's Friday and another week has come and gone, but for Spencer the time hasn't changed anything. And just like every night since her relapse she finds herself out alone in the middle of the night, drunkenly swaying on her feet as she plops down on a park bench. Usually she tries to find a new spot to sit each night, but today she's feeling nostalgic and choses the bench where she started this destructive behaviour nearly a month ago.

Just like the countless times before she pulls out a bottle and begins to drink. The liquor pulsing in her veins as she drinks away her pain.

She's started out of her haze when she feels someone sit next to her their breath steady in the silent night.

Spencer's heart begins to race in her chest a momentary panic rising inside of her but her senses are dull. Closing her eyes she counts to three, takes a deep breath, re-opens her eyes and turns to face the stranger.

Curious cerulean blue eyes stare back at her and golden curls flutter against slim shoulders in the slight breeze. The girl raises a perfectly plucked blonde eyebrow in Spencer's direction, her expression is unreadable and she doesn't speak.

Instead they continued to stare into each other's eyes for several long moments before Alison reaches over and plucks the bottle out of her hands. Spencer feels an emotional title wave building up inside her, and tears prick at the corner of her eyes.

She sits patiently as she waits for Alison to chastise her coping habits or be upset by her intoxication. At the very least she expects the girl to be angry at her for sitting out in the open with A still on the loose.

But Alison does none of those things, instead she surprises Spencer farther by putting the bottle to her lips and taking a long drink.

When she finishes she passes the bottle back to her friend. The brunette examines the bottle swishing the liquid around once, twice, three times, before taking another drink.

It goes on like this for the next several hours until the content of the bottle is completely drained and dawn begins approaching.

Ali stands and stretches before offering her hand to Spencer. The taller girl takes the hand and the blonde pulls her to her feet.

When Spencer gets home she climbs into bed and stares at the ceiling as the light begins to stream in through her window. She can't help but wonder how a conversation with no words is the most meaningful exchange she's had in a very long time.

The next night when Ali shows up again, this time finding her on the bridge just outside of Rosewood, she knows that yesterday was not just a coincidence.

The blonde sits down beside her and immediately Spencer offers her the bottle. They still don't say anything they just sit in silence passing the bottle back and forth but it's more comfort than Spencer's had since Toby left.

The next week follows much the same, she gets high, leaves her house and finds a place to drink. Ali shows up, shares her bottle and then they go home, without a word spoken. But Spencer feels more in Ali's silence, in her acceptance, in her sharing the burden than if she'd speak 1000 words of comfort.

But then one day it changes, and suddenly they're talking about everything and nothing. In their inebriated states no topic is off limits but even the alcohol doesn't stop the lurch in Spencer's stomach when Alison tells her about the terrible things she's endured, being stabbed, raped and constantly running for her life. She also tells Spencer about Emily, every last detail, and the pain in her voice hurts Spencer's heart.

When it's her turn she talks about Toby, and her family, about A and her addictions. She sees Alison cringe slightly when she tells of A's torture in the dollhouse but the blonde listens with unwavering care.

It feels good to talk about it out loud, to have someone listen and not chastise her for her relapses or dismiss her pain and suffering.

In the process of their conversation Ali casually mentions that the others are worried but she promises that Spencer's secret is safe with her. That night they hold hands the entire walk home.

That morning while she's waiting for her mother's knock she ponders her situation. The monotony of sneaking out, drinking and getting high every night should be wearing on her mind and on her nerves but with Alison by her side it doesn't.

Which is exactly what prompts her to wait outside the DiLaurentis house the next night. When she sees Ali step out from the shadows cast by the large house, her heart does a weird little flutter but she doesn't have too much time to think about it because Ali looks up at her across the yard. For one second time stands still and then Ali smiles at her, and her heart races. She knows she's fucked.

This time when they walk through Rosewood they do it hand in hand finding an old abandoned shed near the edge of the woods.

As they sit down Spencer un-zips her backpack and passes Ali the bottle of whiskey, before pulling out a small box.

Unscrewing the cap and taking a long drink the blonde doesn't notice Spencer light up.

When she looks over she sees the girl take a long drag from a joint.

Alison focuses all of her attention on the brunette as she lets out a smooth exhale and then takes another drag. She doesn't know why she's so captivated, but there is something about the sight that mesmerizes her.

The smoke permeates the air around them as Ali takes another drink, it's an intoxicating combination. After a few minutes Spencer meets her gaze and raises an eyebrow.

A million things race through her mind, because she never expected to be here with Spencer; but then again it'd been her choice to seek out the girl several weeks ago, her choice to come back each night. She can't put her finger on it, but recently, something draws her to Spencer in a way she never been before.

Somewhere in her mind she knows they shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be so self-destructive. They should be sober and searching for 'A'. But fuck it.

She reaches over and takes the joint from between Spencer's lips and puts it to her own.

Inhaling deeply, the smoke fills Ali's lungs. It gives her an instant rush.

Half an hour later they're both lying on the ground staring up at the stars, both incredibly high.

Suddenly Spencer rolls over onto her side; she's only a few inches away from the blonde.

"Ali, can I ask you something?"

Turning towards the other girl, she eliminates even more of the space between them.

"What's up Spence…"

"What ever happened with Lorenzo?"

Ali's mind is hazy with the mix of weed and liquor, but she tries her hardest to focus on Spencer's words.

"I liked him… he was sweet and caring… he even liked me when it seemed like no one else did… but I cut it off… I didn't want to put him in any more danger… and besides part of me is still getting over someone else…"

Her voice drifts off but Spencer hears the unspoken word.

 _Emily._

"What about you and Toby… any chance to fix things?"

Weeks ago just the sound of his name sent an unbearable ache through the brunette's heart, but now with the passing of time, not to mention her vices, she barely even feels the sting.

"No… it's over. And it hurts you know? But I think it was the best, for both of us."

Alison nods in response.

"That's how I feel about Emily too. Part of me will always love her, but I'm ready to move on."

Silence falls over them as they stay facing each other, eyes never wavering from the other's face.

"Do you think you'll ever fall in love again?"

It's a baited question and Spencer almost regrets letting it slip from her lips. Almost.

Alison lets the question settle in the space between them for a few seconds, pondering her response, although she already knows the answer.

"I think I already am."

Spencer feels something stir deep inside of her. Actually if she's being honest she's had that feeling a lot lately.

She should be terrified, should be heartbroken over Toby, should be concerned about the fact that she's never felt this way for another girl, should be thinking about Emily (because in her heart she knows that Emily is still deeply in love with Alison). But she's never been one to do anything that she should.

So with a still hazy mind, her heart pounding loudly in her chest she leans over and presses her lips to Alison's.

An electric current passes between them as their lips find a steady rhythm.

Alison shifts closer, tangling both of her hands in Spencer's dark hair as the latter places her hands on the small of Ali's back, pulling her impossibly closer.

What starts out as a gentle kiss soon turns heated and desperate, and neither girl can get enough of the other. Hands roam, tongues dance, hearts race.

After a while they break apart, dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

They rest their foreheads together, keeping their bodies entangled.

"Wow." Ali giggles out in a dazed voice.

Spencer chuckles and kisses Alison's forehead.

"I never expected to be here with you, especially not like this, but I… I mean, well, you aren't the only one who's starting to fall in love."

Alison pulls back enough to look in Spencer's eyes, trying desperately to read them.

"Do you mean that?"

The brunette nods.

Suddenly she's completely sober, because for once something is going right in her life, even if it's strange and unexpected. In the back of her mind she knows that this isn't going to be easy for them, but for tonight it doesn't matter.

This time when they kiss it's slow and sensual. And they both lose themselves.

They kiss into the morning, only parting when the sun rises over the horizon.

Not wanting to be found out they reluctantly part, pack up and head back into town.

They keep their hands locked together, and when Ali shivers Spencer pulls off her jacket and places it around the blonde's shoulders.

When they finally arrive outside of their houses, neither is ready for the night to end, but they don't have a choice. Spencer gives the area a once over, making sure there are no curious eyes watching before she cups Ali's face and leans in for another kiss.

It lasts longer than it should, both girls getting caught up in each other.

When they finally break apart Ali flashes her a sweet smile, squeezes her hand and takes off towards her house.

Spencer watches her go, then hurries up the lattice and in through her bedroom window.

She lies down in bed, her head pounding, her mind still hazy.

She's still high. High on kisses, high on Alison.

It's a better high than anything she's experienced, and she knows that she's hooked.

And for the first time in weeks she falls into a deep sleep, one thought on her mind.

Alison DiLaurentis is her new drug, and from now on, it's the only high she'll ever need.

* * *

 **Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? I'm not sure how many other Spalison shippers there are. Anyways, I'm thinking about doing a companion piece about the other girls finding out about Spencer and Ali, either set in present time or in future time. If you'd be interested, drop me a comment! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Part II

**So I decided to go ahead and make this into a mini story (3 or 4 chapters). I'm going to try super hard to get the third part up tomorrow so it is out before the season finale (AHHHH! Only two more days!) But anyways here is the second part!**

* * *

 **High**  
 _Part II_

Spencer reaches over and plucks the joint from the blonde girl's petite fingers bringing it to her lips, never moving her gaze from the pair of brilliant blue eyes shining in the darkness. There's a mischievous glint flickering there as Spencer takes a long drag. When she moves the joint away from her mouth to exhale the blonde girl moves in swiftly, straddling her hips, placing her plump, pink lips only millimetres from Spencer's.

She can feel the curves of Ali's body, hear the rush of her own blood in her ears, smell the mix of perfume, smoke and something that's distinctly Alison. There's a challenge in the girl's expression and Spencer knows this game all too well.

She opens her mouth just slightly and moves in just a little bit closer as she exhales the puff of smoke. Alison breathes in deeply, taking the smoke into her own lungs. The mix of the drug and intimacy of the act send a wave of arousal through them both.

Alison holds in the smoke for several long seconds as Spencer waits with bated breath. With a devilish wink the blonde arches her back, and tilts her head back releasing the smoke into the space above them.

Spencer watches, her breathing uneven, because this girl in her lap is the most beautiful and seductive creature she's ever encountered.

Letting her instincts take over she grips the blonde's waist and crashes their lips together. Caught by surprise Alison lets out a little gasp and it's everything Spencer can do to control her animalistic desires. She wants to toss the girl to the ground and have her wicked way with her. She desperately wants to feel and taste and to know what her name sounds like on Ali's lips in the heat of passion.

But they'd agreed to wait. Neither of them wanted to rush things. Despite the fact that it's been over a month since their first kiss, it's all still so new. Spencer's still coming to terms with her breakup with Toby, and the fact that she has fallen for a woman; and Ali's still working through her Emily induced heartbreak. But they're getting there.

They don't drink as much as they used too, although they still enjoy sharing a joint once in a while. Spencer finds that she doesn't need those vices to cope not with Alison by her side; because the girl is intoxicating, and despite the lack of substances in her life she's always high—high on Alison.

Most nights they still sneak out and find a place where they can be together, hidden away from the world. They talk and laugh and kiss (they do a lot of that), and in all the chaos of their lives, in running from A they find their own little sanctuary.

They still don't talk about 'A' much, but the police are getting closer to discovering his identity, and Spencer thinks that once it's all over, they'll be free to be together openly, but for now she's content to keep their budding romance a secret; even though she hates lying to her friends.

Sensing the girl's thoughts Alison pulls back from their embrace.

"What're you thinking about Spence?"

"I'm thinking about a lot of things, but mostly about us."

"What about us?"

"I'm thinking about how lucky I am, how crazy it is that I get to be here with you, like this. That despite everything we've done and been through, you want me. And I know I may not always say it out loud but I want you Alison. God I want all of you, always… and I just…"

Alison cups Spencer's cheek and gives her a small smile.

"What is it Spence?"

"Ali, I, I know things are still a mess, and I know it may be a little strange since up until a few months ago I thought I was as straight as a pin, but I want this… us… to be more. I want you to be mine. So I guess what I'm asking is, will you be my girlfriend?"

There's a pause before Ali leans in and softly kisses Spencer's lips.

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

A week later the girls are tucked away behind a large oak tree in the park, Alison's head against Spencer's chest.

The brunette is running her slim fingers through golden curls, as they stare up at the stars. Spencer lets out a little sigh of contentment.

Alison turns her head slightly and smiles up at her girlfriend.

Their gazes meet and they look into each other's eyes for a long time before the taller girl speaks.

"Every time I look at you I'm amazed. I still don't understand how we got here or how I got so damned lucky."

"I think I'm the lucky one Spence. I never thought I'd stop being heartbroken, but then there you were, my light in the darkness. Everything will be perfect as soon as we can finally catch Charles."

Ali's voice cracks on his name. The brunette knows her girlfriend is still struggling with the knowledge that her brother has been torturing them, and she can't blame her.

Spencer leans in a kisses Alison's forehead.

"I promise that we're going to catch him, and make him answer for what he's done."

"It just sucks, I know I used to be a terrible person but how could my own brother hurt me? Hurt the people I love?"

Her eyes start to fill with tears and it hurts Spencer heart.

"I wish I knew baby."

Spencer holds the girl tighter, trying to comfort her. After a few minutes she decides to take a different approach.

"You know what else I promise…"

Alison wipes at her tears and waits.

"I promise that when this is all over we'll move far away, get our own little place. I promise to keep you safe and to spend every day making you happy. I promise that I'll be here as long as you want me… I promise to love you, forever."

The blonde feels her heart stop, her breath catches in her throat. She's known for a while that she's in love with Spencer, but neither of them have ever said it out loud.

She pulls out of Spencer's embrace and sits up to face the girl properly. For a moment the girl looks unsure, until Alison strokes her cheek.

"Do you mean that Spence, do you love me?"

"How could I not? Everything else in my life is fucked up, but you, you're the only thing that keeps me going. Keeps me from relapsing. You're my own personal drug, and I want to be high on you forever. I love you Alison."

Alison feels another tear slid down her cheek, because wow. Spencer Hastings is in love with her. And she's in love with Spencer too.

"I love you too Spencer. More than anything else in the entire world."

The raw emotion in the air is palpable, and when they're lips meet they both see stars that are brighter than any in the night sky.

* * *

Across Rosewood, Hanna and Aria are sitting with Caleb and Ezra in the blonde's living room watching a movie. It's late and Aria is nearly asleep against Ezra's chest, Caleb has his eyes closed and Hanna's eyes are starting to unfocus.

It's a peaceful evening, the four of them enjoying a night together without any of the drama. Or so they thought.

All of the sudden the TV switches off and two cell phones chime from the coffee table. Four pairs of nervous eyes, all suddenly awake and alert stare at the table with uneasy expressions.

"Should we…?" Hanna asks nervously.

"No, let's just ignore it and move into the kitchen." Caleb tells the others.

"I don't know if that's the smartest idea…" Ezra adds.

Swallowing hard Aria reaches for her phone, her hand shaking.

The other three group around the phone as Aria opens the video message.

Suddenly the tiny screen is filled with a large oak tree, a dark starry sky and two girls laying together, one blonde and one brunette.

Hanna lets a little gasp when the video zooms in and Alison and Spencer's faces come into focus.

Aria glances back at the others, each with a similar look of shock and confusion. She turns back to the screen when she hears Spencer's voice.

" _Every time I look at you I'm amazed. I still don't understand how we got here or how I got so damned lucky."_

The four of them stand in silence as they watch the scene unfold before them. Aria knows they shouldn't be watching this, because it's obviously a very special moment between her two friends. And although she is beyond surprised, she can't help being happy for them.

Hanna on the other hand can't even process what she's seeing. Spencer and Ali. _Spencer and Ali._ When the girls on screen move in and begin a passionate kiss, the video goes blank.

No one speaks for several long seconds.

"What the hell was that?"

"Wow. I don't even know what to say."

Caleb and Ezra speak at the same moment, and just as they do, Aria's phone chimes again.

This time she doesn't hesitate to open the message.

 _Looks like Emily isn't the only pretty little lesbian… Speaking of Emily, what's your precious swimmer going to think when she finds out about these lovebirds? Convince Spencer and Alison to tell Emily about their relationship or I'll tell instead. Kisses –A_

Aria closes the text and looks up.

"So apparently this is real? There's no chance that Charles created that video…"

"Hanna! You saw them kiss? How the hell would he fake that?"

"I don't know, but Charles creating the video makes more sense than Spencer and Alison being in love…"

Hanna shudders a bit as she says the words.

"I think Caleb is right, there is no way this is fake. I agree that it doesn't make sense, but…"

Aria interrupts Ezra before he can continue.

"But that's just it, it DOES make sense. I mean Spencer broke up with Toby, Alison broke up with Lorenzo, and we all know she's had a thing for girls before, it's not like any of us didn't know about her and Emily not being one-sided…"

"But that's what I mean!" Hanna starts to raise her voice, "Alison was in love with Emily, not Spencer… and besides Spencer's straight…"

"Or is she?" Caleb just shakes his head. "Hanna you have to admit that Spencer has seemed a little… gay… at times, don't tell me you haven't noticed…"

Hanna just sighs.

"Of course I've noticed! I mean I always thought she'd hook up with Aria, sorry Ezra, but I mean they're team Sparia and all!"

Aria and Ezra both crack a smile at that.

"Truthfully, I think even I was rooting for team Sparia, just a little bit." Ezra says with a laugh.

Aria playfully hits him on the arm.

"I suppose if I ever decided to try being with a girl, I'd probably have chosen Spencer… or maybe I would've wanted you instead Han." Aria giggles with a wink in Hanna's direction.

"Of course you would! I'm super hot!"

All four of them burst out laughing. It takes a few minutes but when the laughter dies down a sombre mood sets over them.

"How are we going to get Spence and Ali to tell Emily about them, I mean they don't even know that we know."

"I think the only choice we have is to be honest. Tell them that Charles showed us a video, and that even though we don't quite understand it, we'll support them and that we'll do whatever we can to help them tell Emily."

Everyone begins to nod at Aria's words.

"Do you think Ezra and I should be there too?" Caleb asks with a raised eyebrow.

"My first thought was no, it would probably be better if it's just Hanna and I, but then again, it might be good for them to know that ALL of us support them. I can't even imagine how hard it's going to be for them to come out… Especially to Em."

"Do you think Emily is still in love with Alison?" Ezra asks hesitantly.

"I don't know. I mean she's dating Sara now, but then again do you ever get over your first love? " Aria replies.

"Ugh this isn't going to be fun." Caleb says with a frown.

"I know we're going to be all nicey-nice and tell them we support them, which I do, but don't think for one second I'm not going to threaten Ali within an inch of her life if she hurts Spencer."

Aria smacks her palm against her forehead with a groan.

"Come on Han, let's just figure out how we're going to do this."


	3. Part III

So this is up a lot slower than I was wanting, but what're you gonna do? But on the bright side, we know who 'A' is! I know a lot of people are disappointed it wasn't Wren, and I know that the writers definitely had some plot holes, but overall I was really happy with the finale EXCEPT the preview for the time jump (Mrs. Rollins, WTF!).

Anyways, here's the last part of this series. However for my Spalison fans I'm working on another one-shot that should be up in a week or so!

Thanks for reading!

* * *

 **High**  
 _Part III_

Aria paces around the Marin's kitchen, nervously chewing on her finger nails. Ezra's sitting at the island watching her every movement, and Caleb's at the table his eyes fixed on his phone screen.

Hanna's looking out the window, anxiously awaiting the arrival of their friends.

It's been nearly 24 hours since they'd received the text from 'A' outing Spencer and Alison's relationship. After much debate and strategizing Hanna, Aria, Ezra and Caleb had decided to send an SOS to the girls, telling them to come to Hanna's house as soon as possible.

They'd replied to Aria's text moments later, both readily agreeing, assuming it was something 'A' related, which it kind of was.

Several more minutes pass and Hanna lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Are they ever going to show up?!"

"Breath Han, I'm sure they're on their way." Caleb tries to use his best reassuring voice, unfortunately it doesn't help ease Hanna's nerves.

"God I don't want to do this, I don't even know what we're going to say!" Aria lets out in a shaky breath.

"They're our friends; we just need to honest with them. Tell them what happened and that we support them. It's going to work out."

Just as the words are out of Caleb's mouth a knock sounds at the door.

"Ugh, I feel like I'm going to be sick." Aria covers her mouth and clutches at her stomach.

Ezra moves over towards her and rubs her back soothingly as Hanna exits the kitchen and heads for the front door.

Hanna swings the door open and sees Alison and Spencer standing there, both looking nervous and uncomfortable. For a split second she wants to tease them, but decides that this isn't the time for that.

"Hey guys, come in, everyone's in the kitchen."

Spencer lets Alison enter first, and then she follows closing the door behind them.

Hanna gives them a little smile and turns back towards the kitchen.

The two girls look at each other and shrug before moving to follow their friend.

Alison stops dead in her tracks when she sees the four people waiting for them. Not realising that her girlfriend has stopped walking, Spencer bumps into her and then looks up, startled.

"What the…"

Before Spencer can finish her sentence, Aria starts talking.

"I'm glad you guys are here we need to talk about something…"

"Shouldn't we wait for Emily? Your text said it was urgent, is something wrong? What's happened?"

Alison's voice is full of concern, as she looks around the room.

"Emily isn't coming."

Spencer's eyebrows shoot up at Ezra's words.

"What? Why not?" She directs her question back to Aria, not really understanding Ezra's place in the conversation.

Caleb and Hanna exchange looks and Aria drops her gaze to the floor.

Alison and Spencer both stare confusedly around the kitchen, until Hanna speaks.

"We know you're together. And even though I'm still weirded out by it I love you guys and I support you."

Spencer's jaw drops.

Alison looks shocked but she quickly rearranges her face.

Now it's Aria's turn to jump in, "I do too, and so do the boys. We support you 100%"

"Wait, what? How did you…" Alison's voice is clear and unwavering and her eyes lock with Aria's.

Before Aria even responds she knows the answer, she can see it written on the tiny brunette's face.

"It was 'A' wasn't it?"

Aria just nods, a little guiltily.

"Yesterday the four of us were watching a movie when Hanna and I got identical 'A' messages, a video of the two of you... Guys I'm so sorry we didn't mean to invade your privacy or anything, I feel so bad about it, but we had no idea what was happening until it was too late…"

Spencer moves closer to Alison and takes her hand, there's no sense in hiding their relationship from these four people any longer.

"It's okay. We get it. We were going to tell you guys soon anyways, you're our friends, and I totally get if this is still strange for you considering our history and all, but just know that I've never been happier…"

Spencer pauses to smile at her girlfriend.

"…she's the best thing in my life, so I really hope you guys aren't joking about supporting us."

"Of course we're serious Spencer."

Aria smiles at the couple. "However, maybe I'm a tiny bit jealous, I mean, we're team Sparia after all."

Alison's angelic laugh echoes around the room, and soon enough everyone else is laughing too.

"Don't worry Ar, you can still be team Sparia, I don't mind sharing a little bit, if Ezra doesn't mind sharing you..." The blonde winks at Ezra who just shakes his head and smiles.

Alison's joke lightens the mood even further and everyone laughs again.

When the laughter dies down Spencer catches Aria's eye, and suddenly she senses that there is more to this.

"There's more isn't there? What is it?"

Aria swallows hard dropping her gaze to the floor for a second. She takes a breath and says "After the video 'A' sent a text message…"

She starts to recite the words, but it's so quiet they can barely hear her.

"What did it say?"

Not wanting Aria to have to repeat it again, Caleb interjects.

"Looks like Emily isn't the only pretty little lesbian… Speaking of Emily, what's your precious swimmer going to think when she finds out about these lovebirds? Convince Spencer and Alison to tell Emily about their relationship or I'll tell instead. Kisses –A"

He finishes reciting the words and meets hazel eyes. Spencer understands now.

"We're fucked."

* * *

Several hours later Spencer and Alison are sitting together near the lake just outside of Rosewood where the sun is just beginning to descend beyond the horizon.

Spencer leans down and kisses Alison's forehead.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

The blonde sits up from her place against Spencer chest and faces her.

"I'm sure Spenc. I think it needs to be me. No matter how we tell her she's going to be upset, that's inevitable, but she might be angry too. If I'm the one to tell her, maybe she'll direct that at me and not you. My friendship with her is tentative at best but she's one of your best friends, and I'm willing to do anything to preserve that."

"God I love you Ali."

Reaching out the blonde caresses Spencer's cheek.

"I love you too, and even if things don't go great with Emily, I'm really glad the others support us."

"I am too. It feels nice … not having to lie to them anymore."

"For once I think 'A' might've actually done something to help us."

Spencer gives Ali an incredulous look before pulling her close.

"Let's not think about him anymore tonight… I'm going into withdrawals over here…"

Ali giggles and leans in to kiss Spencer. A few seconds into the kiss she pulls back an infinitesimal amount.

"Better?" The words ghost over Spencer's lips and she shivers.

"I'm definitely getting there. God you're the best high, I'm so addicted to you."

Alison's breathe catches in her throat and heat shoots to her core.

"Kiss me."

With that their lips meet again, and it's a long time before either of them come up for air.

* * *

The next day comes swiftly, and it sets Alison's nerves on edge. She's afraid to tell Emily about her relationship with Spencer, because she's seen the dark side of this new Emily, seen the girl's anger, been on the receiving end of words that cut like knives and glares that could kill. Her heart hurts when she thinks about the person Emily has become, bitter and hateful, and willing to give herself to any girl that shows her the slightest bit of affection.

She still harbours some guilt, however; because she's part of the reason the ex-swimmer is the way she is. But Alison also knows that Emily has to make her own choices, has to learn that her actions have consequences, just like she's had to learn.

It doesn't make it any easier though, because Emily is still her friend, and deep down she still loves the girl, despite the fact that the brunette dismissed Alison's genuine feelings not once, but twice, and turned her into an emotional wreck (It had taken the entirety of her being to confess those feelings, feelings she'd been forced to conceal for years).

But the blonde also acknowledges that those events led her to this moment in her life, where she's more loved that she can ever remember feeling in her life. Even though she doesn't quite believe in God, she thinks that just maybe this was all fate. Perhaps it was always supposed to be this way.

She's pulled out of her deep thoughts when she hears a familiar voice.

"Hey beautiful."

She looks up from where she's sitting on her back porch and immediately gets lost in hazel eyes.

"What're you doing here my love? Emily is going to be here soon. I thought we agreed that I'd do this alone… Not that I'm not happy to see you."

The taller girl reaches out her hands and helps Alison to her feet.

"I know, and I'm only going to stay a few minutes, I just, I wanted to see you again before you tell her… I just…"

Spencer hesitates and suddenly the blonde sees a flood of emotion welling up in her girlfriends eyes.

Carefully she lifts Spencer chin, gently caressing her face.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just scared, what if she hates us? What if she never wants to speak to us again? What if you see her and realise I'm not really the person you want to be with…"

Not letting her finish the blonde interjects.

"Spencer Jillian Hastings, none of those things are going to happen. Emily will understand, and if she doesn't than we'll figure it out. Together. Because I'm not leaving you, not for Emily, not for anyone. You're stuck with me Hastings."

The tall brunette cracks a tiny smile at the last part.

"God, when did I turn into a blubbering mess of a human being?"

Alison just chuckles, "At least you're a cute blubbering mess."

She smiles and kisses Spencer softly, although it only takes few moments before they deepen the kiss.

Spencer threads her hands in Alison's silky golden curls, as Alison squeezes at her girlfriend's tiny waist.

Suddenly they're ripped out of their daze by a loud crash.

Instantly they both think of 'A' and jump apart looking around for the danger, instead they see Emily standing only feet from them with an expression of utter shock on her face.

Fear settles deep in Alison's stomach.

"Emily…"

She tries to speak but the darker skinned girl finds her voice first.

"The front door was open, I thought you were expecting me so I just came inside, didn't realise you had company."

With that the girl turns and bolts back through the DiLaurentis house.

The blonde gives Spencer one last look, the brunette nods and Alison takes off after Emily.

"Emily! Emily wait!"

She catches up to the girl just as she's about to ride away on her bike. Not knowing what else to do she runs in front of her, stopping Emily in her tracks.

The shock on her face is gone and Alison can see the darkness creeping in. She swallows hard, her hands trembling.

"Get out of the way Alison." Emily says through gritted teeth.

"No."

"Now!" The tone in Emily's voice is full of loathing and anger, and for a moment Alison acknowledges, once again, how truly terrified of Emily she really is. But she isn't going to back down, so she roots her feet into the ground, daring the girl to run her over.

"Emily I get that you're angry. You weren't supposed to see that, I just, I wasn't expecting you so soon. I was going to tell you…"

"What? You were going to tell me that you're whoring it up with my best friend? God I always knew you were such a slut."

"Fuck you Emily. Last time I checked at least I didn't throw myself at every girl who showed any interest in me."

Alison could feel her former self returning, fight or flight situations always brought out the worst in her. Taking a deep breath she tries to calm herself, this wasn't supposed to happen.

"At least I haven't slept with the entire Rosewood police department!"

Overcome with emotion Alison feels tears welling up behind her eyes, she desperately doesn't want Emily to see her cry but she can't help it. Instead she turns around and walks back to her front porch, slumping against the steps before burying her face in her hands.

Emily just stares wide eyed, her anger slowly subsiding, guilt and pain replacing it as she watches Alison collapse.

Cautiously she dismounts, letting the bicycle fall to the ground as she walks towards the steps and sits down next to the blonde.

Alison tries to calm her breathing and compose herself, wiping at the tears.

When she finally looks up she meets Emily's chocolate brown eyes, which are swirling with a mix of emotions.

It's quite a while before either of them speak, neither knowing what to say.

When Emily finally breaks the silence, her voice is full of pain.

"Ali I'm sorry… I didn't mean those things… I just…"

"No, I get it. You have every right to be mad, and I'm sorry too, but I really did ask you to come over today so I could talk to you about Spencer."

Emily opens her mouth to speak but Alison doesn't let her.

"Please Emily, just let me say this okay?"

The darker skinned girl just nods.

"About a month and a half ago I broke things off with Lorenzo, I didn't really feel anything for him, I was just trying to get over you. And for the record, I never slept with him... But anyways, after I ended it I found Spencer alone in the woods, and she was pretty messed up over Toby. We sat together in silence and being around her changed something in my heart. After that I went with her every night, sometimes we talked, sometimes we drank, sometimes we got high, most of the time it was all three. After a few weeks I realised that I felt something for her, something more than friendship, something I'd only ever felt for one other person, and I took a chance. I kissed her, and miraculously she kissed back. I don't know when it happened or even how but somehow it did. We started dating about a week later."

Emily listens intently, trying to digest the story. Her brain just can't make sense of it, Ali and Spencer… dating, jealousy rears up inside of her and she lashes out again.

"So this isn't some random thing? You're not just playing her like you used to play me?"

Alison feels the words hit her right in the heart.

"You know I wasn't just playing with you Emily, I had real feelings for you, and when I finally had the courage to admit it, you pushed me away, twice. You basically told me my feelings didn't matter, that I wasn't capable of emotion. So even if I tell you the truth now, it's not like you'll believe me."

Sighing, Emily takes a breath. She feels Alison's words sting. She knows it's time to start talking, to say all of the things that she hasn't known how to say.

"Alison, I didn't know you were telling the truth, you'd lied so many times before, and I couldn't have my heart broken again. I just figured you were lonely. By the time I realized you might've been telling the truth it was too late. We'd sent you to prison, and even though you forgave us, I never forgave myself. Then we got locked in that damned dollhouse and you were all I could think about, when you and the boys rescued us I thought maybe it could be another chance for us. But you were already with Lorenzo, and you seemed happy. I was so jealous of him but I decided that it was best to just put my feelings for you to rest and move on again. It hurt seeing you with him, but he's a guy and it's what I'd always expected, it was easier to push the jealousy aside… but now…"

"You don't get to be jealous Emily. You could've fought for me, or at least admitted you still cared. Instead you moved on, and in case you've forgotten you have a girlfriend, Sara, remember?"

"I'm trying not to be! But it isn't easy, you're all I've ever wanted, I just never thought I could have you!" Emily raises her voice again, feeling the angst beginning to settle inside her heart.

"Are you jealous because Spencer's a girl, or because she's one of your best friends?"

Emily doesn't answer Alison's question and instead buries her face in her hands, cursing under her breath.

"Fuck this is such a mess."

They sit in silence for a long time, neither knowing what to say.

"Do you love her?"

Alison just looks up at Emily, knowing the answer but not wanting to say it to the already heartbroken girl.

"Alison I need this. I can see it in your eyes but I have to hear you say it. I have to be absolutely 100% sure, it's the only way I'll be able to let you go and start moving on. And with a little time and space maybe we can find our way back to being friends. But I need this first... Look me in the eyes and tell me…"

Her heart aches in her chest because just the possibility that they may not get past this hurts, but she swallows hard knowing she needs to do what Emily is asking, needs to say just the right thing to put any lingering hope to rest even though it's going to break the girl completely.

She looks up from her lap and meets Emily's sad, dark eyes.

"Emily, I love you; but I'm **in** love with Spencer. My life was pure darkness for so long, but suddenly there she was, lighting up my whole world; and she shines brighter than the moon and all of the stars in night the sky. When I look at her it's like a blind person seeing the sun for the first time. When she kisses me it's like everything else falls away into nothingness, and somehow I just know that there isn't ever going to be anyone else, only her. Only Spencer. As far as I'm concerned she's it for me."

Emily feels her heart crack, and a tear slips from her eye, but she doesn't drop her gaze.

"You really love her."

"More than I ever thought I could love anyone."

"Okay. I believe you, and I know I need some time and space, but I'm happy for both of you. You deserve happiness."

Alison can see the raw pain in Emily's eyes, but staring into chocolate brown orbs she sees a glimpse of the old Emily, selfless and kind. It gives her hope.

"Thank you. We'll give you as much time as you need and we'll be here when you're ready."

Emily nods. Ali smiles and tentatively leans in, kissing Emily on the cheek. The brunette gives a sad smile and stands up.

"I'll see you around Ali."

"Bye Em."

With one last look over her shoulder, Emily rides off, she tells herself she isn't going to cry at least not until she's home, the ride is the longest of her life.

And the second she steps into her house, she falls to her knees and sobs.

* * *

Alison watches Emily ride away, and even when the girl is out of sight she still looks out into the distance.

Several long minutes pass before she hears someone behind her.

"Did you mean all of the stuff Ali?" Spencer's voice is soft and melodic; it sends a shiver down Alison's spine.

She turns her body around and see's Spencer standing there, radiant and beautiful as ever. She has an unreadable expression on her face. Alison smiles at her, stands and moves in front of the taller girl.

Reaching out she takes her girlfriend's hands in her own.

"I meant ever word. You are my everything, I love you Spencer Hastings."

A tear slips down Spencer's cheek.

"I hate that Emily is hurting, but even that can't ruin this for me because I love you Alison, so much that it hurts."

Ali leans in and places a sweet kiss on Spencer's lips.

Despite the fact that their lives are crazy, that 'A' is still after them, that they're families aren't going to accept them, that Jason is their brother, that they've broken their best friend's heart, Spencer feels dizzy and lightheaded and so incredibly high on life.

Because Ali loves her, loves her unexplainably and uncontrollably, and she's positive she'll never find a drug that can give her a better high than the high she gets from loving and being loved by Alison DiLaurentis.


End file.
